No CONDOMS???

[surge]

(Hopefully this is the right spot for this post, if not...my apologies for troubling the moderators...)

Alright, so I've been seeing my LTR for the past 2-3 months now (exclusively)... and she's definately hot and cool enough for me to see myself with her for another couple of months, maybe even a year or two down the line... She says she's been exclusive with me as well.

BUT....She asked during the sex to take out the condom and I refused. I required some STD tests first for both of us, so we're gonna go take one first thing.

But I still get a little nervous thinking about it...I have never had unprotected sex, and I don't know if I should trust her or not, but she seems to have been quite faithful to me so far. I've heard that the sensation must be 10 times better without condoms but I need a quick poll. Is it worth it??? or would you trust your LTR to this level after this much time?

[DravenMcClain]

Pffffft, so I just wrote this really long post -- and then of course, accidentally closed the window. All the more reason to write them in Word or something first. Anyway, I'll summarize.

1. 10X as good? Nah. Better? Yes.
2. Make sure you trust her, and trust she will be consistent with BC.
3. Sex without condoms is a luxury I have enjoyed before in committed relationships, and I do not regret it at all.
4. Be careful. Pull out still. No babies. No babies. No babies. <chant>
5. Taking an STD test before hand is a great idea, and one that most couples do not do.
6. Ultimately, if it's just going to make you overly nervous, it most certainly will NOT be worth it. It's also something to keep for a bit later on in the relationship, as a 'new' and fun thing to 'move on' to (like anal, or sex swings *laughs*).
7. I do not apologize for the parenthesized text in #6.

[Hex]

I'd like to add to what Draven said and I'm not trying to scare the $*%+ out of you or anything, but here are my .02 cents:

1. If you do get tested for STD's, do not forget to both get tested for HPV2 (herpes) as well. That's one that lots of people don't think about and if you get it, it will suck for the REST OF YOUR LIFE.

2. No matter how trustworthy you think a woman is, they still can cheat on you and at you're age (hell, at any age) you may not even have a clue that she is doing it. If you think she is worth it or are really willing to accept that risk, then it's your decision. I've had a girl beg me to be exclusive with her, only to have her sleep with her ex-boyfriend and then tell me she never remembered us agreeing to anything. LOL. Fortunately, I still used condoms.

3. DO NOT GET HER PREGNANT!!! THIS IS WORSE THAN #1!!!!

Be careful, be safe and have fun.

[The Gray Ghost]

Personally, I feel the biggest danger of having sex without a condom is that you will never want to put one on again. This is a simple statement with a lot of weight below the surface. Once you never want to wear one again you must then be vigilant and really think about putting one on (if and when this LTR dissolves) in the heat of moments and when you are drunk.

On the topic of the "B" word. Never trust "the pill". They forget to take it, they purposefully don't take it in some cases, or they don't listen to the Dr when he/she says the pill is not very effective when Antibiotics are also being taken (VERY IMPORTANT FOR YOU TO KNOW). The implant is the way to go in LTRs. Nothing to remember, nothing to get caught on if you are a bigger fellow, nothing to purposefully not take, and finally you can check that it is there on a whim. Every time my LTR says the "B" word for any reason I say, "Knock on the implant" and check that it is there. She laughs, but I am serious.

Hex and Draven said everything else so I am just going to agree with the "No it does not feel 10X better. It is better than that."

[DravenMcClain]

Personally, I feel the biggest danger of having sex without a condom is that you will never want to put one on again.

I would completely, 100% agree with that. If you have never tried it before -- then it is much, much easier to not do it. Once you get into the habit though, the issue will then turn to making yourself WEAR one, when the situation warrants.

Just be aware that it's a road, once crossed, which looks much different traveling back..

[Hex]

Mmm, Ghost brought up an interesting point about the whole antibiotics thing. I never knew that until a few weeks ago but thought it was just one of those "friendly disclaimers". Have you known of times that someone has gotten pregnant while on a pill/antibiotic cocktail? Am I, I mean, is my friend in trouble for not heeding that warning?

/not trying to threadjack or anything, but this might be helpful to the OP as well.

[ceo]

I had typed out a long explanation, then realized I was bored when I reread it. So here is the quick summary:

Wear the rubber, everytime, no matter what, unless you watched the surgery where she got her tubes tied.

1. It is in a womans programming to reproduce, no matter what she says.
2. STDs blow
3. I pay 20% of my income as child support, and you will too.
4. You will resent that woman for the rest of your life that gave you the std/kid.
5. Did I mention the 20%? Don't forget to tack on the extra money that you pay for splitting other expenses and medical insurance. [For a detailed listing of everything you will pay for please mail me]

[goodwood]

Personally, I feel the biggest danger of having sex without a condom is that you will never want to put one on again. This is a simple statement with a lot of weight below the surface. Once you never want to wear one again you must then be vigilant and really think about putting one on (if and when this LTR dissolves) in the heat of moments and when you are drunk.

On the topic of the "B" word. Never trust "the pill". They forget to take it, they purposefully don't take it in some cases, or they don't listen to the Dr when he/she says the pill is not very effective when Antibiotics are also being taken (VERY IMPORTANT FOR YOU TO KNOW). The implant is the way to go in LTRs. Nothing to remember, nothing to get caught on if you are a bigger fellow, nothing to purposefully not take, and finally you can check that it is there on a whim. Every time my LTR says the "B" word for any reason I say, "Knock on the implant" and check that it is there. She laughs, but I am serious.

Hex and Draven said everything else so I am just going to agree with the "No it does not feel 10X better. It is better than that."

There it is right there. I lose my boner just thinking about rubbers.

[TheMan]

There is a porn shop on the corner of westheimer and montrose that sells exotic novelty condoms.

Always wear a condom, everytime. IF yall get engaged, if thats what you are into, still wear a condom. And when you get married, wear a condom. Those 30 something Double D Housewives cheat, I know, usually Im the one the want to cheat with. And I don't want to catch your std's.

Thanks, The Management.

[The Gray Ghost]

Mmm, Ghost brought up an interesting point about the whole antibiotics thing. I never knew that until a few weeks ago but thought it was just one of those "friendly disclaimers". Have you known of times that someone has gotten pregnant while on a pill/antibiotic cocktail? Am I, I mean, is my friend in trouble for not heeding that warning?

/not trying to threadjack or anything, but this might be helpful to the OP as well.

Not that I am aware of. I had a GF stop me one night years ago and say put it on buster I am on antibiotics. I looked it up the next day out of curiosity.

No no... the LTR is without child - knock on wood.

[dreamweaver]

I agree with Draven that it is more than 10x better without a condom. I agree with CEO that there is too much too risk with STDs and kids that it simply is not worth it to not wear one. I also agree with The Man that you should probably use a condom regardless of the relationship, even if you have been married for 10 years (even though you probably wouldn't) because a lot of women cheat at some point.

Ok, so you probably don't care that I agree with all that has been said so what do I have to add? Here is another thought that hasn't been mentioned. Since it does not feel as good with a condom on, you are likely to last longer. If you last longer you are going to be able perform better and your woman will have a better experience. The better you perform, the more your woman will be sexually attracted to you. The more she is sexually attracted to you the more loyal she will be and the more frequent she will want to have sex. So, in some ways, wearing a condom can feel better.

My two cents.

[The Gray Ghost]

Always wear a condom, everytime. IF yall get engaged, if thats what you are into, still wear a condom. And when you get married, wear a condom. Those 30 something Double D Housewives cheat, I know, usually Im the one the want to cheat with. And I don't want to catch your std's.

Personally, I think this is a pretty paranoid and cynical view that I am not so sure is healthy or constructive. If you can't trust the person you ask to marry, then what is that dam point, seriously!?! Ok, S#@& happens, people F@#$ up, and some people are just F@#$ ups, some people just can't be trusted, but that does not mean you should live your life in some strange state of fear and distrust. I can't imagine going to bed every night with someone that I worried about cheating on me - even for a second. Yeah, we all meet married folk that would F@#$ anything that could not run faster than them; if they thought no one was looking. On the flip side, I know plenty of married people that would not. Stick to quality people, build a relationship on trust, and tend to your partner's needs with the ferocity of a Spartan legend physically and emotionally.

[Kim]

Women generally don't like the physical effects of a condom, either. They rub in a bad way, they smell, they make us itch, they don't taste good and they aren't silky and satiny smooth the way a nude penis is.

We hate them. But we love sex, and we love sex even better without kids or diseases. There is someone very close to me who ALWAYS has protected sex, but ONE TIME she figured it'd be ok. The next day she notcied she had some sores, and four days later the guy called her to ask if she had sores, because he did, too. He got tested. It took a week for the results to come back. She was a MESS for that week, freaking out, calling me all the time, asking every kind of "what if" question that came to her mind, and there were a lot. Finally the results came back.

Herpes.

She went and got tested and had to wait yet another week, absolutely killing herself over her one moment of weakness for a nude penis. Her test came back negative. Somehow, he had it and she didn't. The sores she had were apparently just friction from when they HAD used the condom.

I lived those two weeks with her, and I'll tell you this - I will not do that to myself EVER. I know that a lot of you young guys out there are thinking to yourself "It won't happen to me." Well, it does - just Google herpes and you'll read some rather terrifying stats on how many people out there have it. And it's SO easy to get - you only have to touch skin with someone who has it and you can get it, there doesn't even have to be fluid exchange.

Is it worth it? Go read about it, read what happens and what you have to do to live with it and then really truly imagine yourself having it. Think about my friend in this case - she had a pretty good relationship with this guy, but after that scare, and then him actually HAVING the disease - she felt bad, but she never got with him again. Too much personal risk. And the poor guy! He has to deal with this now for the rest of the his life, not ever knowing when he got it or who he got it from. He has to deal with the moral questions like, how far back in his sexual history does he go to let the girls know that they might be at risk? How does he handle the future, when he's not having an outbreak and has a chance for some casual sex? The risk of passing it to someone else wearing a condom, taking Valtrex and not having an outbreak is statistically really low, but it could still theoretically happen. How does he handle that?

Don't take off the condom. Ever. Not even just once. Not until you're in a beautiful, trusting, exclusive long-term relationship after having testing done. Then you can reap the joy of condomless sex!

[The Gray Ghost]

Herpes.

We had another related thread running, posted by TheMan, for those interested in reading. The noncurable STD chick

Don't take off the condom. Ever. Not even just once. Not until you're in a beautiful, trusting, exclusive long-term relationship after having testing done. Then you can reap the joy of condomless sex!

Agreed! I would also like to add that even once you get into a monogamous relationship and are ready to take the condom off, both parties need to go get a full battery of STD testing done.

She went and got tested and had to wait yet another week, absolutely killing herself over her one moment of weakness for a nude penis. Her test came back negative. Somehow, he had it and she didn't. The sores she had were apparently just friction from when they HAD used the condom.

Geesh... I got chills just reading that. I hope this friend of yours went out and bought a lotto ticket the day she got her results back because that is some luck!

[Kim]

I hope this friend of yours went out and bought a lotto ticket the day she got her results back because that is some luck!

lol! Seriously! I think she might have just used up ALL her luck in one fell swoop, though!

Like I said - don't take chances. It's just not worth it.

[Mega]

my experience...I was very fortunate...my first partner we only had condomless sex....we dated for over 2yrs and I was very fortunate and lucky and STUPID... I tested myself afterwards and everything was ok. Then when I had my next gf I wore a condom and it did take getting used to...and I agree with what has been written above it isn't AS good as condomless sex. But I won't have condomless sex again until I'm married and looking to have kids probably especially after hearing the stories of STDs.

[The Gray Ghost]

Mmm, Ghost brought up an interesting point about the whole antibiotics thing. I never knew that until a few weeks ago but thought it was just one of those "friendly disclaimers". Have you known of times that someone has gotten pregnant while on a pill/antibiotic cocktail? Am I, I mean, is my friend in trouble for not heeding that warning?

/not trying to threadjack or anything, but this might be helpful to the OP as well.

Not that I am aware of. I had a GF stop me one night years ago and say put it on buster I am on antibiotics. I looked it up the next day out of curiosity.

No no... the LTR is without child - knock on wood.

Here is the follow up to this Hex. Antibiotics and The Pill and here is another article about Antibiotics and The Pill

[Hex]

I still shudder everytime I think about how vulnerable you are when you're young, dumb, and inexperienced with women. Forget luck, I seriously must be on God's "top three" on his myspace page because I cannot explain otherwise how I came out unscathed.

I actually had unprotected sex with a girl who I KNEW had herpes.

For three years.

I was in love for the first time and wanted to marry her, so to me, this was the ultimate form of acceptance. She never had any symptoms (some people never develop any) and she had found out about it the same month I met her. Nevertheless, it turns out I was so very wrong about her as she was a completely selfish, inconsiderate bee-otch without a drop of decency who was great at backwards rationalizing any ufcked up thing she did. I've learned that many young women make moral decisions, not via their word or code of ethics, but based on how well they can rationalize what they've done. This for me was a scary realization.

Anyways, to make a long story short. I got tested many times after we broke up and I am in the clear. Biggest scare of my life.

Trust me, the only thing worst than having an incurable STD is worrying about whether you might have one or not. I'm still somewhat young but people have always said that I am mature for my age because I've been through a LOT in my short time in this world. Experience is definitely the best teacher but some things are best learned from other people's mistakes.

Ps. Thanks for the info Ghost.

[DravenMcClain]

This thread makes my stomach hurt.

+1 for "Best of the Lounge" addition..

[The Gray Ghost]

+1 for "Best of the Lounge" addition..

Agreed

[surge]

Thanks guys for all your posts. Really useful stuff.

It's something very tempting after all these sayings about how F@#$%g great it feels. It's also scary thinking about the consequences. I think I'll give myself a little more time to think about it down the road.

Come to think of it, I'm still a virgin (i.e. if protected sex doesn't count ) so I have to see if I wanna lose that virginity yet?!!!